Harder

That is all it seems to be getting lately.

When I try to talk to my parents they get mad that I talk about anything unless it’s school related, even then they say that I need to stay focused and try harder. I haven’t even started the semester yet and I made all A’s lasts year.

My sisters judge me for the little things I do. If I say a bad word, like a post they don’t like, just random things. 

I have no friends who honestly care enough to check up or ask about how I’m doing even though they all know I get depression and when we do talk it’s about them or normal every day things because I don’t want to bring them down.

I feel like a horrible daughter since my dad is paying for me now, I have no job again, and even thought he says he has enough money he commented saying he thought he would have more money to restore his old cars when he retired, but because of me he can’t.

I miss my mustang and it gets worse every day and all anyone ever tells me is to stop being ungrateful and to be happy. I was happy until I lost the only car I ever wanted and I know it’s a material thing but it felt like everything was going right for once in my life and then the wreck happened. 

I get night mares when I sleep about having another wreck and it makes me scared to even get in a car. Even while I’m driving I can stay focused but images of a worse wreck keep flashing in my mind even when going slow. 

I have never felt like killing myself more then I do now.