What you say

Our words are one of the most powerful things we have as humans. We can communicate feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Along with the ability to speak also comes a more desperate need to be silent.

Often I find my self walking around or driving, if I see a girl who looks better (in my opinion) than me, I automatically try to find fault with her. If a friend is with me I will “jokingly” point out her flaws. Maybe this comes from being bullied when I was younger, maybe it does not.

We hurt people we don’t even know with our words, taking any misplaced thing we see or have heard about them, forever they are burned into our brain as a person who we have corrupted to be not as good or having many faults. Even if those words or thoughts never leave your head it doesn’t mean it effects no one.

When we categorize anyone we do not know personally by small things like a pimple, torn clothes, tattoos, piercings, or hair color, we are hurting others if these thoughts leave our mouths, but we also are hurting ourselves.

Often people look at one side of a story, not seeing who else it could effect. We build up all of this hate or disgust towards people we do not know and it eats away at us. I know it makes me unhappy to do this as much as I do.

I challenge everyone who reads this to walk up to someone they might have said mean things about before or even if you wanted to think of something nasty when you just saw them. Find something you like about them, it is always easy to see what you would consider “wrong” with a person but just as easily can we find good things about them. Any time you catch yourself about to say an ugly or hateful word to or about someone, do this, tell them how great they look. As my mom always reminded me: “What did Thumper’s mom always say? ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all'”, this quote is as real and true as it gets.

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Happy Depression?

Yes the words are real but can they really be together? It is all a matter of opinion or who you are. For me happiness can be abundant but with depression even the smallest thing can make you unhappy.

I am very happy with how my life is going, like everyone there are things I need to work on and things I would like to change but only I as a person can change them. When it comes to things I can not change like people who no longer want me in their life or who have turned away from me, it takes me from my happy place to a place I do not want to be.

It is a struggle to stay happy, to keep optimism as your ally and to always look at the bigger picture instead of the right now. Maybe these people were not meant to be in my life? Maybe they will come back into my life if I give them time and space? But the worse of these questions that haunts me is: what if I did something wrong? Am I a horrible friend? What if I never get the same friendship like I had with them back.?

Crying for me is usually sad, sometimes sappy stories make me cry but mostly it is because of something sad happening. I cry mostly at night when I find it so hard to sleep and all of my thoughts about past mistakes old friends and new, come out in little saltwater drops around my eyes. You can be happy but when you are alone and no thought is a good thought no matter what you have or how blessed you are, these feelings seem to haunt you.

It sounds like I am rambling I know but this is my blog so if I decide to ramble I will. The point is that I have to learn to forgive myself, to forgive others, and to honestly fill my head with happy thoughts. Which can be difficult, especially when I am alone, which is often.

I feel like everything is so dark sometimes like there is no light, I feel trapped in a poem by Poe, but I have to break free of it. Anyone who is suffering this way, I may not be the best help but I will try to help the best I can.

Don’t look back

Often in life there are things that we go through that are hard, but the hardest part of these trials is moving past them. No matter what it is there is always something that pulls us back to those moments of hardship and sadness, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

In any relationship hardship the first thing you have to do is forgiveness. Whether you are a Christian or whatever religion, there has to be a level of forgiveness. You must forgive yourself for your actions or reactions, you must ask for forgiveness from whoever you have hurt, and if you are a Christian you must ask for forgiveness from God.

Now as humans we are not perfect, we mess up and we fall. Sometimes we don’t even know we have fallen until our face hits the floor. The next thing to do is to stop looking back, and this may be the hardest part. For me it’s looking at old pictures, listening to music from a certain time in my past, looking at the scars on my arms and remembering all the hurt. For most people it’s checking Facebook pages, keeping the conversation going with others about certain people or times. A lot of the time it’s about people.

I am here to tell you, do not check their page. Do not measure your happiness against someone else’s. People show you what they want you to see, if it is someone you are not close with then you don’t know if it is just a smoke screen. Wanting what others have whether it be: in a relationship, an object, or any other lists of things, is not helping you.

Stop doing things that remind you of past hurt or hardships, only you can stop yourself from feeling the hurt. Surround yourself with people that help you forget and move on from those dark days.

Move on. Those two words are all you need to hear, because only after you have accepted the fact that the past happened and there is nothing you can do to go back or change it, will you be happy and able to move past it.

So many people go through difficult days, but some how they are thankful and that is what we all should be even for the small things we may admittedly take for granted. Be happy in the life laid out for you and change the things that don’t make you happy. Delete the number, block the page, and move past the feelings. Our dark days make us thankful for the blessed days.

Relationship Advice: Trust

I have always thought that I give pretty good relationship advice, harsh at some times, but mostly true. Some times I do not listen to my own advice and neither do others but I thought I would start putting my advice here to help anyone who needs it. This is the first of probably many relationship advice posts, it is about the basis of a good relationship, trust.

No matter who you have been with in the past there has probably been a lack of trust at some point in the relationship. Some people go through those times and become stronger, changing what they need to, others do not get the picture of what they are doing wrong and keep lacking in trust of others.

Some people blame old relationships for their current mindset, in all reality there is probably a deeper problem. Let me explain.

Meeting someone you are meant to be with, whether it is just a happy all around relationship or something more serious, they have a presence about them you can not explain. You trust them, some people are naive and have what I call a “fake sense of trust”, they want to trust their significant other. These people may even tell the people closest to them “how much they trust this person”, but in their mind they know that if he/she went out with an ex, they would never accept it and would be thinking the worst even after the person says nothing happened.

True trust comes when that person is open with you about everything, I can honestly say I could give my boyfriend my phone and he could look through every social network, photo, and message, and there would be no thought of worry in my mind because I know there is nothing to find, and if I asked him he would let me do the same. There is not a single thing you should keep from your partner.

As trust goes so does dishonesty, if everyone around you can see that something is wrong or they are telling you advice that you do not want to hear, most of the time you are blind and do not want to believe the worst.

A quote from one of my favorite movies Moulin Rouge “Without trust, there can be no love”, it is very true. If you have caught your partner in a lie, do not think that it will never happen again because chances are since they know they have gotten away with it once they will do it again. Ignoring trust can be a major downfall for any relationship, do not miss the warning signs. Every person knows these signs but rarely do we listen to them or pay attention.

Happiness is worth being alone, or waiting to find someone that doesn’t lie to you, that you can trust. It is better then wasting your time and being hurt, but most of us have to be hurt to learn anything.