You hate me. You still “love” him.
I know he has made mistakes in the past but that is just it. They are his mistakes. He has owned up to his past and continues daily to make improvements. I don’t claim that he is perfect, but I believe in him.
Let me give you a lesson on love because it’s as if your anger has clouded everything you should have already known.
Loving someone means wanting what is best for them, wanting to be with them is fine, but when it isn’t you that they chose you still want them to be happy. You do not: degrade them online for the world to see, talk poorly about them to everyone you meet, continuously try to make them jealous, or try to keep them interested in you when they are with someone else.
All of these things you have done.
Now let me get to the part you will probably dislike the most. Why he chose me.
He chose me because I learned. I knew I loved him and when he told me he did not think he wanted a relationship, I stayed his friend. I did not try to interfere with his relationships, I did not try to flirt with him and anytime the conversation would turn that way I would change the topic. I was there for him reminding him in those moments when he felt alone that he was an amazing man.
He chose me because I compromise in this relationship. I realize what should be an argument and what shouldn’t be. Which let me tell you lately there isn’t much that I feel is worth getting upset over. When there is something, I don’t stay angry, and when I confront him about anything I am understanding.
He chose me because I’m trustworthy. I keep my phone unlocked, any passwords he wants I would gladly give. He hasn’t asked for them but still. He knows that my guys friends are just that, friends. He trusts me that I don’t have “back-ups”. He trusts that if we fight I won’t go talking bad about him to his friends or guys I think are interested in me.
He chose me because I support his decisions. When he wants to spend time on his car? I don’t get upset and sometimes if I can I’ll come help him happily! When he wants to spend money on things for himself I support him and listen to his ideas.
He chose me because of my maturity. When someone I feel has wronged me, when I am angry, I don’t post all over social media about how I’ve been wronged. I don’t try to spin things to make me look innocent. I try to see things from everyone’s point of view.
He chose me because the face I show online is the face my friends know. I don’t pretend to be innocent and sweet, then go off on someone who may also be hurting the way I am.
He chose me because I love his friends and family. Whether they don’t feel the same about me or not. I’m happy to be around his friends, he can trust me with his friends, and he knows I enjoy being around them.
Lastly, he chose me because I forgive him. I do not hold grudges, I do not stay angry at him. I believe in him and the man he wants to be.
You can stay angry, you can still hate me, slander my name from past mistakes, some of which may be mine. But you have to realize, you are no longer a part of his life. He no longer feels for you the way he used to or that you want him too. You have to let him go, for your own sake.
I wish you happiness, I pray that you get the help that you need with your problems, and I hope one day you experience REAL love with someone who feels the same for you.