Starting out at the beginning? I had a happy childhood, though most people say that I honestly mean it. Kids now have grown up surrounded by technology, we had a computer, it was large and slow. I would much rather be outside, hopping fences into pastures we didn’t own, exploring the woods past the fields, in the dirt, getting messy, scraping knees. Having older parents then most kids my age instead of CD’s I listened to records, new TV shows were old re-runs of fifties classics, Movies were black and white, which in my mind made them better. Three older sisters, I always said I had four mothers. Three people to look after me and help me when I needed them. I owe them as much as I do my wonderful parents.
Depression, the word scares most people, they think of a person who is only going to off themselves over any little thing. Some cases are that serious, but then there are people who are merely plagued with living with the unhappy thoughts. They could be of past, present, or even the unknown of the future hurt. We can be happy, it takes a lot to maintain a person who suffers this way. We over think things, which in turn ruins good relationships but also gets rid of bad ones.
A teacher once talked about cutting in class, saying that people who cut vertical mean to end their lives, but people who cut horizontally do it for attention. This statement bothered me, let me explain. I used to cut, it is an addiction. I used to cut horizontally, when everything felt like it was closing in and I felt alone, to get your mind off the pain you cut. You focus on the pain in your arm(or wherever), and not the pain in your head or heart.
For some time I have been dealing with the pain well, I am happy, but the demon is always lurking testing me with challenges, but keeping people around me who are supportive and understand helps, my family though they don’t know it help me, and having a strong faith keep me going. I started this blog to only open up about my life, I am a normal college student who is just working through her issues.